The day is here...

I am 100% funded! 

 That's right, all of my support is raised. To my partners, thank you. Wholeheartedly I say it, thank you. Each one of you is so vital to this ministry. Everything you see here (growth, learned wisdom, seeing God's hand) this year is because of you. 

So again I say....

Thank YOU.

Truth, be told.

The past few weeks have been nothing short of a whirlwind. So I think I'll just turn what could be a novel of thoughts into a few simple truths I've learned and been reminded of...

• When you forget your wallet and are almost out of gas, some nice gas station attendant might just give you free gas. Swallow that pride and just ask. 
• Backing up your computer is more important than you think...you never know when it will decide to rebel and go on strike with that little pinwheel icon of death, causing you to nearly take up the fetal position in a corner of the office, frozen with fear of losing years' worth of precious files.
• But with computer problems comes a sweet opportunity to see those in your community love you in unique and totally unearned ways...like teaching you how to take your hard drive out of your Mac and transferring files from it yourself (nerd alert).
• No matter what time I go to bed, it's impossible to sleep in. Post-grad life is here. 
• Just when your mood is quickly headed south, thinking life is rough going to work early on a rainy Sunday morning, God floods the halls (literally) with an abundance of water and then people...and makes you dance in the rain. 
• I still despise the grocery store...the only way you'll get me to go is by the offer of free samples and reminding me of how much eating out cost me last week. 
• Chai shakes and chocolate chai lattes might need to have their own category in my budget...yes, an addiction is forming. It's a great thing that the nearest Starbucks is more than 5 miles from my house.  
• So there's this little festival called Austin City Limits.......... it's an adventure to say the least.
• Paddleboarding is therapeutic. And a great business. If this whole ministry thing doesn't work out, you might just be visiting the newest paddleboard shack on Town Lake, owned by me.
• God keeps His craziest kids closest (explains a lot of why I'm working in a church). I can't take credit for this line, but it has quickly become my mantra during some of the most humbling moments. 
• I will always fight power, approval, control, and comfort idols. The days that I forget this are the days that I typically lose that fight. Thankful that His mercies are new every morning.
• The enemy always speaks in half-truths. Yes, we are messed up, flawed little people running around like we know what to do (what he loves to remind us of), BUT GOD has/does/and will always intervene with His gracious love displayed first in His gospel. Always remember the end to that story!
• We are His poem (Ephesians 2:10). Uniquely and perfectly designed for His plan for us. Motivational foundation. 
• Ministry will be the hardest, but one of the best things I will ever do. 
• Austin Stone worship conference. Awesome to witness and be a part of. 
• Support raising is an opportunity unlike any other. Game changer. My decisions and my finances will be forever impacted by this perspective shift. 
• I will put in similar inputs (of time, effort, planning) into this job, but I am not always promised the outputs...that's a difficult one for me.
• Each and every moment has the potential to be one of teaching and development. And it doesn't typically happen to be in the ways I would expect.
• I place my value in my work and what I produce...A LOT. In ways I didn't know until I was faced with a lack of output. Turns out, there's more to this life that we're meant to live.
• To be broken means an opportunity to see Him put me back together. 
• Overwhelmed with life (emotions, people, difficulties, happiness) = development. 
• Circumstantial events always reveal deeper sin in my heart. This is a good thing.  
• There is a direct correlation between my time in the Word and my temptation to sin. 
• Being able to accurately see and feel God's grace for us is going to be a lifelong prayer.

 Final truth (and I'll say it again and again)...

Jesus is better. 

And we will spend the rest of our lives being convinced of this.

 

 

Support update: 

91% raised ($130/month left) 

The 532

"The 532." Yes, that is our apartment number, social media hashtag, and official name for the location in which Holly Crabtree, Molly Brunson, and I live.

We love it.

And we've only lived here for a month.

Recently we celebrated our one month "friendiversary." I think they would agree, it's nearly impossible to believe we've only known each other for a month. One. Month.

 I love these two for our:

differences

similarities

accountability

laughter

car ride sing-a-longs

celebrations

prayers

honesty

...just to name a few.

As we sat in our living room, sharing our life stories with each other on the second night of living together, I knew we were setting the bar high.

I had no clue how high.

I think it might take years to comprehend it.

[Spoiler: this post is about more than these two incredible women I have the blessing of doing life with.] 

While Holly and Molly (yeah...try keeping that straight) provide me with endless joy and laughter, it's what they do not simply give me, but rather show me, that wakens my soul to things greater than human beings can ever give.

Put simply: I'm learning how God uses those around me to imitate the Gospel.

I've never been good at vulnerability. Let's really be honest here. I like to share what I think others should hear, only to the point that they still like and approve of me. There is an idol for this and thy name is APPROVAL (easily followed by Comfort, Control, and the list goes on...).

God is so big and doesn't need us, so He's pretty independent right?

Wrong.

In the first chapter of the first book of His Word, the persons of the Trinity are first mentioned (Genesis 1:26). Three in One. God, in Himself, represents perfect community. Completely equal and united, yet possessing great differences and fulfilling unique purposes.

Jesus went so far as to give up having a steady income, permanent home, a wife and family, and many other pleasures of life for the sake of His calling and to pour all that He had to give into the men He walked alongside of. Not to mention He put on flesh and chose to walk 33 years with those constrained by time and space, only to be nailed to a tree by the hands He had created. He loved his community with all that He had (literally). He gave His last breath for community, so that they may have life (Galatians 2:20).

This makes me think, how much do I value those around me? Based on the gospel's picture of love, how well can I say that I love the community around me?

Do I care for someone so deeply that I love them as my own soul (1 Samuel 18:1-3)?

Who would I be willing to lay my life down for (John 15:13)?

Needless to say, I'm not the biggest fan of my answers to these questions. But I can't stop there. Jesus makes it clear that we are to learn to love one another, in the same way He has loved us (John 13:34-35). He knows we can.

That's not to say that I will get it right immediately. I will never know that kind of love. But I accept the command and challenge; not out of obligation, but because of the love He's shown me and my growing love relationship with Him.

Now bring it back to my immediate community, Holly and Molly.

They have, and will see me on my good days, bad days, days of doing every dish and taking out the trash (with a smile), and those days when I throw a fit because the weather is 10 degrees too hot/cold for what I really want to wear and on top of that, people have the audacity to drive on the same street as me. Unfortunately those last days are all too common.

And they love me the same. They show me Jesus. 

Image bearers. We were created in God's image, but because of our imperfect nature, we will spend our lives learning how to mirror Him again. This community God provides each of us with is to be our greatest molding tool in this process.

No doubt we will have conflict, and it will hurt, but this can ultimately be used to grow us in ways we never have before (Proverbs 27:17). We see our ugliest tendencies come out like never before, but we also have an opportunity to face those, grow in humility, and pray for our hearts to be changed in ways they have never have before.

So that original list of what I love about these two will continue to grow. And hopefully our ability to love the Lord and others will as well.

Thank you, Jesus, for the 532.

Where You Invest Your Love, You Invest Your Life

Yes, thank you Mumford and Sons for the title of this post. While several of you were at one of their last concerts this week singing along to these words, waving phones using the flashlight app under the neon lights, feeling every beat resonate within your very being, and documenting every moment on social media, I simply...was bitter toward all of you. Yes, I have confessed and repented of my slight bit of jealousy I have experienced for all of you this week. I promise I'll get to the real reason behind the title of this post...

Looking back over journalled prayers before this season and even over the past few weeks, I have seen a pattern. A pattern of feelings of unworthiness and acknowledgement of my unbelief, yet so many points where my heavenly Father has still chosen to show me the work of His hands in and around me. Lives changed and blessings beyond measure...over and over. So, for someone who likes to think she must work for her salvation (or anything else she feels she deserves), this puts my mind in a cataclysmic battle of self versus God. The more blessing that came, the more I wanted to run back into my little comfortable cave of independence--or really "independence". I knew that my thoughts, motives, and actions were by no means measuring up to the fruit produced in and around my life. I wasn't good enough for all of this to happen.

I was faced with a decision: to continue in my comfortable self-destructive mindset (because that's healthy), or to reach for something that was unknown but had a promise to be greater. The question I was too afraid to verbalize, yet played over and over in my mind was, "I know that He loves me despite my mistakes, but does He really want to use me when He knows the ugliness of my heart?" And that's when I took hold of another facet of the gospel. Our Father is not merely interested in saving us for the gift of eternal life with Him. Don't get me wrong here, that is the BEST gift we could ever be given, but He still has a purpose for us on this earth. And that purpose is not going to be carried out only if we can clean ourselves up and never make mistakes. That is what is absolutely flooring about His love for us! Unlike human love that can't help but be conditional and merits based on accomplishment, our Father is standing there at the finish line AND with a trophy for us, even if we are the last ones to finish...some of us (finger pointing right at me) feel as if they don't even cross that line most days. 

This does not make sense to those of us who are often driven by our desire to constantly achieve, specifically in our work. Taking this gospel truth and placing it in the context of what we produce, namely in our place of work, any lack of belief in this produces pride, exhaustion, and even withdrawal when things actually go well without any investment on our part. That has been clearly shown to me here. Recognizing that this 'achiever' personality has my name written all over it, I confess that I have struggled to grab hold of what the Lord has had for me. I went from wanting to prove God wrong (I can taste the pride when I say that), to being that stubborn child that would rather sit in a corner than play by someone else's rules, to finally considering surrender. "Father, help me to trust and to believe," became my prayer because, of course, I could not do anything to bring my heart to this understanding on my own. No amount of energy, strength, or dedication in this world could produce this. He had to act.

"Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,' even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you." Psalm 139:7-12

This brought me to the question, "What do I really love?" I've heard it said, that one can tell what someone cares about based on where they spend their thoughts, time, and money. What do I really spend my thoughts on? What do I spend my time on? My money? I did not like the answers. They all pointed back to a core of self. And then the words...where you invest your love, you invest your life. Or as scripture puts it in Matthew 6:21, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." This dictates the course of our lives. What do I want to invest my life in? Every single second of the day? We were made to meet and know our Maker; to know His heart for all of us, as His children. He loves us so much and wants to use us to reach the rest of those He longs to adopt as sons and daughters--despite our sinful, messed up selves. The Creator of the universe wants to hold my hand and lead me through this life until I meet Him face to face one day. Thinking on that today.

Awake my soul. Jesus is worth it.

First Month Tidbits

Partnership Updates:
Currently have 85% toward my goal
Approximately $2,879 total left ($240/month)

Translation: if 12 people gave $20/month, I would be at 100%!  

 Life Updates:

Women’s development program, or “WDP” as we like to call it, is blowing me away. This program is another facet of Austin Stone Institute, but also open to the church body as a whole. Designed to engage women to know God more intimately, love the gospel, and live missionallly, WDP is going to stretch us all until it hurts, and then some. Saturday was the first retreat for women’s and men’s development, where Jeff Vanderstelt, of Soma ministries in Washington, spoke on gospel fluency. Breaking down the truths of the gospel, he stirred my heart to embrace with fresh eyes the gospel that has saved, is saving, and will save our souls for His glory. The fact that there is nothing I can ever do to earn His love, but yet He still loved us enough to die so that we may know Him has brought me to tears this week. I pray that I will never grow numb to this story, that every time I share it I would feel that lump in my throat for how much He cares for me. 

Wednesday is the day that we have class for WDP. Every Wednesday night, men's, women's, and worship development programs meet together to sit under church leaders who not only open our eyes to concepts of theology, but are also careful to draw these concepts back to the gospel. Every week I feel like the walls around my idea of who God is, His Word, and what He has done are not just expanded, but completely bulldozed back to the foundation. This season is filled with a lot of questions, hard answers, an entirely new self awareness, but I am starting to see seeds of growth. Praise Him.

This is intern alley, where I spend most of my days. I love the open concept. Other than breaks with games of 'trashcan basketball', I deeply enjoy the time working alongside of people from all different areas of the church. Creating an environment where experiences and ideas flow freely, we learn a ton from each other. It's all about those little moments.

There are big things happening in the world of Connections! Right now our church is in the middle of a series titled 'This Matters', in which the whole church body is being taught about the importance of living in authentic biblical community. For so long, we have lived in an individualistic society, in which individuals and families keep to themselves and adhere to the "self-made man" mentality. This is how we got ourselves in trouble. Shallow relationships, depression, and a whole world of other issues that can be listed here are products of this. The need for the type of community God intends for us has played a huge role in my story, which is why it sets me on fire to put my time and energy into helping others find this as well. I believe this is where real change begins; in the micro, not the macro. The Lord's heartbeat for this is clear in how He burdens the authors of scripture: Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, 1 Thessalonians 5:14, Ephesians 4:15-16, Hebrews 10:24-25, and Acts 2:42-47 are just a few of the places we can see the importance depicted. After just three weeks of introducing missional communities, we have 61% of our church body connected into groups. PRAISE HIM.

Of course I have to have a post about the good 'ol Ags. Last weekend I made the pilgrimage back to College Station to watch the Alabama game. Even though the scoreboard did not technically say that we won, I left the weekend feeling refreshed by friendships that have sharpened and constantly encouraged me these past four years. Gig 'em!

I love this city and I love capturing moments in pictures. So just a few views of a little place called Mozart's where I like to study...










This month has been a whirlwind of emotion and learning. Every day brings about new challenges and has caused a drastic shift in my thinking. You'll be updated more soon on some of my processing and growth! Please be in prayer for support and how you can potentially make a difference. If you have any questions, as always, I'd love to talk to you. If I have learned anything from the support raising process, it's that often it's the little bit of cash every month that we will not miss makes a huge difference. Support raising will never be the same. I have seen Him do incredible things in my life and others' lives through this! If this has been on your mind at all, I hope that you will be prayerful over that number and take a step in faith to walk in obedience to His call to be a part of His ministry. You really are a partner with me. The Lord was so faithful to get me to my needed goal to start work, but my goal of 100% needs to be met by the end of this month. I sincerely ask for your prayers for my partners' hearts. If you are already supporting me financially or in prayer, I thank you for giving of yourself and ask for continued prayers. Hopefully these updates will provide you with specific areas to be prayerful over!

For Him alone,

Callie                                        

Falling Forward.

The time is here! Graduation has come and gone and the day that I pack my car and move to Austin is approaching quickly...

Partnership updates: 
Goal: $1,400/a month
Progress: almost 70% raised

Still needed:
only $182/a month to my move-in/starting work goal of 80% (due this week)
and $459/a month to my total goal of 100%
 

What it means to partner with me: 
First and foremost, you are not only supporting me, but you are becoming part of a ministry. Support is so much more than the dollars raised; it provides the means by which God works in people's lives. In the specific ministry I have the privilege to be a part of, my partners will have the opportunity to hear of specific stories and numbers of changed lives by the Gospel through community. The Lord has shown me this summer just what an active role my supporters will play. You are, figuratively speaking, the hands on my back, guiding me each day through every decision and each person I come in contact with. I am not here on my own. God alone brought me to this place, and He is teaching me to trust His promises.

He is my Provider.
He is my Sustainer. 
He is my Rock. 
He is the Great Shepherd. 

The list goes on and on. These are just a few of the titles that I have clung to lately as I look ahead at His mission for me. I pray that you have also seen the Lord in these roles, and will continuously be in prayer about what your role may be in this mission. As Matthew 6:24 and Psalm 16:11 portray so well, there is no greater joy than to fall forward into our Father's arms. There is nothing that this world has to offer that compares to the complete and everlasting joy that serving Him with our lives gives to us. With this journey, I am taking a greater leap of trust than I ever have before and have already seen His grace drench me, as it cleanses and prepares me for what is ahead. I simply ask that you would take a moment and honestly seek the Lord's will for you in this ministry. If it's partnering in prayer, great!! Please let me know! If it's financial support, ask Him to place that number clearly on your heart. $10, $20, $50, $100/a month or one time. He simply asks for our obedience. If it's another ministry, incredible! I can not be more sincere when I say that what my heart desires most is for all of us to be obedient to His call. I am learning what it means to love, give, and trust until it hurts. He is still worth it. 

What brings life to my soul in this calling: 
Changed lives that change lives. Simple as that. I get to see people come into community, get trained, sharpened, and equipped and sent out to this city and around the world. Austin Stone is not about simply living "inwardly", loving those who are easy to love and within close reach. This body feels the urgency of reaching God's children in other parts of the city, this nation, around the globe to tell them the good news of the Gospel. This comfortable life is challenged for more, the kind of 'immeasurably more' our Father promises He will do. By His grace, my skills and gifts will be used to help further the kingdom in this process. This is just a taste of what sets me on fire to be a part of. 

Thank you for taking the time to hear about what I'm heading into this year. If you have ANY questions about the program, partnership, or anything, please feel free to contact me. If you have more specific questions about the program itself, please feel free to visit the website. If you wish to partner with me financially this year, the secure online giving page is here. 



Falling forward into Him,

Callie

Love to Fight.

August is here! I can hardly believe it. This immediately sends a rush of emotion (a fun little mixture of excitement and nerves) because this means I only have one month until a new chapter begins. In less than one short month from today, Lord willing, I will be settled into my new home of Austin, TX. As I am pressing toward this goal, I thought I'd give you a few updates...

- I moved out of my house in College Station and graduate in a week. Gone are the college days!
- I received news that housing will be provided by Austin Stone. HUGE blessing to the budget and answer to prayer!
- I am continuing to press into the Lord in this process of support, as I know He will be faithful to provide for this next year.

Partnership updates: 
Goal: about $1,400/month
Progress: 43% raised

Still needed: 
80% support pledged/raised by August 22th 

Monthly pledges and special one-time gifts are greatly appreciated before that date.
If you have any questions about partnering with me, please feel free to contact me.

Journey updates:
     This past month or so has been far from easy. Right about the time I accepted the offer to work at the Austin Stone, I was having lunch with a dear mentor and friend who has worked in ministry for some time. Some her first words of wisdom and advice were, "You have to love to fight." I didn't have a clue what she meant.
     Slowly but surely, in those secret little moments, doubts and insecurities crept in. I pushed them down, thinking this was what I was 'to fight.' My pride grew, daring to think I could persevere, feeling the power of (false) independence. I could beat this inner struggle. Yet each day I felt more and more broken, dirty and inadequate. My sin was before me. In my heart, I told the Lord that He had made a mistake. How could He use me? He knows my past and sees the ugliness of my heart, why would He put me in a place that intentionally strives to further His kingdom every day? I am no warrior for that battle. Then it hit me like a wall. I am His creation. He has called me. And He doesn't make mistakes. 
     Back to the 'have to love to fight' statement. When we take a stand for the God of creation, perfect and righteous in all He does, we are told that we have an enemy. He is not one that we can see or we know how to fight on our own (Ephesians 6:12). From the moment we take a stand for Christ (as with our salvation), we are at war; war for the souls of this world, that our Heavenly Father loves and says are His. How else would an enemy fight a battle than to try to attack where he perceives the other side is weakest? Trust me when I say that I have seen every bit of my weakness rise to the surface. I quickly realized that I am inadequate. But I am not ill-equipped, nor am I alone. I need only to lay down my pride and submit (Exodus 14:14).
     I am confident of this: the enemy does not attack where he does not feel threatened. The Lord has incredible plans for this year, whether I feel worthy of playing a role in them or not. I am choosing to trust His promise that He will win in the end. His will prevails.

I ask for your continued support through prayers. I ask that He would give me peace (Philippians 4:7). The kind of peace that brings about total trust in His plan and keeps my wandering heart close to His. As this month continues, may I continue to surrender and give Him the glory for what He continues to do!

For Him alone,

Callie

And so it begins.

"I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you My power and that My name might be proclaimed in all the earth." Exodus 9:16

New stage. New city. New community.

Same identity. Same calling. Same God. 

Things not covered (or maybe just want to cover them again):

1. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time to listen to and see just a glimpse of what the Lord has placed on my heart for this year. I cannot say this enough. Your support in this process means the world (not kidding!). It is not just about a financial need, but what you have an opportunity to be a part of. Through your support, you will become part of a testimony to the Lord's faithfulness. You will provide for men, women, and children to be connected into a community that grows and provides them with a foundation for every area of their lives. You will allow me the opportunity, by His grace, to use my gifts and be further developed for ministry this year and in the future. The lives impacted through the Connections Ministry do not merely remain inside the walls of this church--they are sent outside to share what God has done in the streets, homes, grocery stores, playgrounds, and coffee shops of Austin, and eventually around the world! It all starts in this place.
   
2. Another facet of this year that I am ecstatic to be a part of is the Women's Development Program at the Austin Stone. In this program, I will be emersed in the learning and application of Scripture, challenged to to engage deeply in the mission of Christ in all areas of my life, and ultimately be equipped from the inside-out to better serve in ministry this year, and in wherever the Lord leads in the years to come. To know more about this check it out here.
 
3. Lastly, I cannot express how blessed I feel to be surrounded by you, as my community. God is a God of grace. I know He's probably smiling as I attempt to tell you all about what this year is going to entail, when only He knows how He's going to use you to grow me, challenge me, and absolutely blow me away with all that He does.  

 "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,  to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!" -Ephesians 3:20-21

By His grace alone,

Callie